October 18, 2012

• Same day Same drama…

  Not much has been going on.  Still in therapy for my knee.  I am beyond frustrated and so is my therapist.  I wonder if he’s frustrated with me because I’m not getting better.  Though we both know something has to be done to my knee, it’s just the specialists that haven’t done a damn thing for me except to keep prescribing therapy.  Even he said the other night, that with therapy I am in pain but without it I am worse.  Right now I am in a no win situation and I am over it.  I think my exhaustion has a lot to do with dealing with the pain itself.  I’m just tired of “just dealing with it” every day.  Plus now I am aching all over because I’m so tightly wound from just this pain alone.  And it doesn’t help that I still have no relief in the other dept in my life…sheesh.  Can’t I get a break!?

  Work is work.  I’ve been too crabby to socialize so I stay to myself, saying hello and making small talk here and there.  What I hate is that it’s affecting my beading.  I had so many ideas, now I can’t even pick up my beads unless I am crafting a new bracelet for someone.  Which by the way has been going pretty good.  I get an order or two every week or so.  So I am very excited about that but I need to come up with holiday bracelets and I have no creativity right now.  I’m sure I’ll get back in the groove soon enough.  If you are interested in checking out what I am doing just head over to my facebook page http://www.facebook.com/wyckdbeads  or my etsy store http://www.etsy.com/shop/Wyckdbeads.  Yes I know shameless self promotion…lol  Hey a girl’s gotta make a buck.

  Things between the husband and myself have been quiet.  We seem to be getting along, but again it’s still more of a roommate situation than a marriage. I’ll give him he’s trying, but like I told my sister I know, it’s a little too late.  But at least we are not fighting as much, we did have a huge blow up a few weeks ago, well actually I lost it.  Between not feeling well and sick of his crap that day I flipped.  Since then he’s been better, I really believe he’s afraid of me finally leaving him.  Unfortunately I don’t believe it’s because he really loves me, more like he needs me.  But I have come to terms with that now, it is what it is.  The icing on the cake is that he now wants to prospect for a motorcycle club.  I already told him no, I don’t care if they are not technically 1%’ers, they are still affiliated with the Hell’s Angels.  We happen to live in Pagan territory which is their #1 rival.  I don’t need that shit coming to my house.  We have become good friends with the club’s president and his wife, who I like very much.  But that’s not me, not anymore.  Back when I was a lot younger being a part of a group like that would have appealed to me.  Not anymore. It’s not just that but I’m sick of him giving his time to everyone but me.  When you “hang around” you spend a lot of time with the brothers, then if you get asked you prospect and become their bitch.  So they can call on you at any time.  And prospecting takes anywhere from 6 months to a year.  Just what I need right?  

  Hey I don’t care if he hangs out with them, and a part of me almost wants him to join because it would be easier on him when I do leave.  I have met quite a few of the guys and their wives/girlfriends.  We were invited last week to a clubhouse bbq Friday night.  We had a nice time and for the most part I got along with most of the women.  A few of them I could see them eyeing me up and down like who is this bitch.  Last thing I need is a problem cause if some bitch gets out of line with me I will not hesitate to open my mouth and back it up.  But aside that, I was a bit put off, this is a very touchy kissy crowd.  I kid you not, every guy there kissed all the women and hugged them when they left.  That’s fine they know each other but I don’t.  So when it came time for someone to leave they would either hug me and kiss my cheek or take my hand and pull me in to kiss my cheek.  I brushed it off as being friendly, until the president stepped over the line.  He pulled me into him and hugged me, now I’ve known him and his wife for a few months so I was okay with it, he leaned down to give me a kiss and if I had not made the extra effort to turn my head he would have fully kissed me on the lips.  Instead he caught just the corner of my mouth.  Then he had the nerve to look at me disappointed!  Hey I know how in some clubs guys pass their women around, but I’m not into that.  Not to mention I really like his wife and respect her as a friend.  Up until that moment being hugged and kissed goodnight did not feel as awkward and off putting as it did then.  I never said anything to my husband, I don’t want to start problems.  It’s just weird and makes me feel like I have a dirty old man pawing at me.  

  That’s pretty much it in a nutshell for me.  Nothing exciting except for my Halloween/Fall spectacular weekend coming.  Hopefully I will be inspired soon to continue writing.  Till then hope everyone is well.

   

   

  • 3:19 pm
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