April 25, 2013

• On the edge….

  I sat there alone on the ledge watching him as he walked towards me, my heart fluttering in my chest.  It felt so surreal to have him standing in front of me, looking down at me, yet I refused to look up at him, so afraid I was at disturbing the moment that he would actually disappear.  With his hands on the top of my thighs he ran his hands down to my knees slowly easing my legs open so he could stand between them.  I blushed at the thought of wishing I had worn a skirt instead of jeans, just to feel his hand upon my own skin.  I bit my lips as I heard him chuckle under his breath, as if he had read my mind.

  “Don’t” he said in that silky smooth voice of his, “Don’t bite your lip.”

  His hand went from my cheek to the back of my head, his fingers tangling in my dark thick hair as he pulled me towards him.  I leaned into his chest and rested my head right over his heart.  My own heart was soaring listening to his own, breathing him in, reveling in that delicious warm clean scent that was his.  I sighed and gave in to my need and wrapped my arms around his waist and it felt as if the world paused just for us.

  I felt him kiss the top of my head and I knew I wanted him to kiss my lips, but I was too afraid once again to even look up at him.  That he would look and see the plain girl who sat on this very ledge every day and waited for something to happen to her. I couldn’t let him see the doubt I had in my eyes, nor the fear that was sure to be there questioning why he was here with me in this very moment.  Holding me as if we were long lost lovers, pledging to never let each other go ever again.  

  He stepped in closer, his hands pressed against the middle of my back, keeping me from backing away from the intensity that was building between us.  I moved my head from his chest to his shoulder and found my face in the crook of his arm.  Wearing just a soft cotton short sleeved t-shirt, his arm was exposed as he held me close to him.  Before I realized what I was doing I found myself lightly kissing his muscled bicep.  I couldn’t stop myself even if I wanted to.  I had an overwhelming need to taste him, to feel his skin upon my lips.  I felt his body sigh into me as he pressed me tighter to him.  I didn’t want the moment to end, so I held tight to his waist as I continued to lay gentle kisses upon his arm.  

  I felt him step back and my heart dropped, he was leaving, was all I could think.  My hands fell from his waist to rest on my own thighs as I struggled to fight back the tears that threatened to come.  Yet he did not turn away, instead, he cupped my chin and raised my head to meet his eyes.  In that moment I felt myself drown in the crystal clear blue depths of his eyes, the shimmering effect caused only by the tears that welled up in my own.  

  “Shh” he whispered as a lone tear spilled over my lashes.  His thumb gently wiping it away from my cheek.  He held my gaze for what felt like an eternity.  My heart was pounding in my chest and I knew he could hear it as everything else around us had been silenced for this moment.  He leaned in to kiss me, and the butterflies that had begun in my stomach radiated out to every limb.  I couldn’t back away, I didn’t want to.  His soft full lips moved in to claim mine as I gave in to the ache that hungered for him.  Trapped in the strength of his arms, I had no where to go but to move forward to meet him in that long awaited first kiss.

  BEEEP!!!!!!!!!  BEEEEP!!!!!!!  BEEEP!!!!! BEEEP1!!!!

  I nearly fell out of bed as I slammed my hand down on the alarm clock, “Dammit.” I thought, “we were so close this time!”

  I swung my legs around to dangle off the bed as I closed my eyes trying to remember his face.  But I couldn’t recall one detail, it was only his eyes I could still see, and the clear white perfect skin that I had kissed on his arm.  Grunting I made my way into the bathroom to begin my morning routine, dreading the familiar ache of loneliness and heartache that filled my chest every morning since these dreams began a year ago now.  It was to the point I wish I would never wake from these dreams, that I could stay with him, whoever he is.  Or at least for the torture of these beautiful dreams to finally end, to end the misery or the reminder of how alone I truly was in this world today.  Belonging no where and to no one, when all I wanted most was to belong to him.

  • 4:22 pm
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